Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
