I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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