I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
