i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she peed on how many people?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
