He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
