I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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