This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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