It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
