I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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