SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
