you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
