Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
