Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I party with great urgency now.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
