I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
