i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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