Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
