She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
