its not stalking. its research.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
