Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
