dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My vagina is officially offended.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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