I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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