On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
