So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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