I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
