Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
