Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
