your thong is hanging out like whoa
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
