My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i came on her dog
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
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