is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
