I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
