I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
