All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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