I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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