he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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