You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
