Only a mothe r could love this liver
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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