I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
