in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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