So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
