I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
