she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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