you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
