Where are you?
In a non slutty way
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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