i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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