John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
