I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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