Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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