PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
