So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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