....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
