He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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