what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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