she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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