that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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